Friday, December 1st, 2006

Dear Zachary,

Christar was kind enough to pick you up from your mom’s house and bring you to mine and her brother Blake came along and they brought a pizza for us to eat. The new movie Superman had just come out on DVD a few days ago and I had bought it knowing that you’d love it, so of course we put that in so you could watch it. You were very excited and kept yelling at me to come watch with you, as I was doing the dishes, and cleaning up a little bit around the house. You had your superman doll in your hand the whole time and kept asking really loudly “What’s happening? Superman is hurt? Is it his stomach?” It was all very cute and fun to watch with you.

We ate pizza for dinner and continued to watch the movie. When it was over you wanted to color a little bit in a Christmas coloring book that I got at the D.I. with you last week using the crayons I took from a restaurant down town on Blake’s birthday last week. You colored a few pictures but quickly got bored with it all and wanted to move on to other things. You kept re-arranging the ornaments on the Christmas tree and pointing out to me over and over that some of them had fallen off and you had put them back up.

You have been talking a lot better the past few weeks. Saying more complete sentences rather than a bunch of jumbled words to mean something. You can tell me what you want, and why, and a lot of the time you will tell me what I want, and what you want me to do. But of course, your favorite word is still “no!” which you will respond with, even if someone only mumbles things to you. I’ve been trying to get you to say combining words to maybe help you make your sentences flow easier and come out better. You’ve gotten better and I can tell that you study what people say, and how they say it and try to repeat it, which isn’t always the greatest thing.

You wanted to play some games and I tried to talk you out of it because I’m trying to not let you watch that much tv or play games and such. Even though when you do play, you’re only interested in it for a few minutes, and then you’re back to running around and making messes. I’d rather have you read some books, color, or do something interactive but you always seem to hate anything like that and just want to have fun. Which is understandable I guess, especially since I want you to have fun when you’re with me. I want you to enjoy your time with me, and I want you to feel happy and safe with me. So of course, I’m going to in a way, “get down and party” with you when I can, but I still need to be the parent and throw in some reading time, proper eating, and plenty of interaction.

Later on you were lucky enough to get a bath! Of course you had to have a Walmart sack wrapped around your cast to keep it somewhat dry. You were pretty dirty and smelled like a little boy, whatever that smells like. After you were all cleaned up you got into your dinosaur pajamas and asked for some more juice, which you’d have about 4 glasses full throughout the night. I walked you along and helped you climb into your bed and get comfortable, and let you go to sleep.

Thursday October 26th, 2006

Dear Zachary,

This past Sunday, (October 22nd, 2006) was our last day together for that weekend. Obviously. Sometimes your dad is an idiot and points out the obvious, not realizing that I do it. I'm sure you know, have, (or will have) experienced pieces of my stupidity. I'm loaded full of stupidity, just ask your mother or any member of her side of the family, ha ha. But anyways, on Sunday we didn't do anything! Literally. I think we were both in the mood to just do everything, and nothing. We ate what we want, when we wanted to. We watched what we wanted to, and we played with every toy we own. It was a very lazy day, but I think we both needed it. Just to sit back, relax, and not have the normal worries of the every day. I don't know what "normal worries" you would have everyday, but I'm sure they are there.

We hung out at my house with Grandma and Grandpa most of the day, as we normally do on Sundays. We had a potato bar for dinner, which is just taking a baked potato, and putting all kinds of toppings on them, from cheese, olives, sour cream etc. Anything you want you can put on there. It's good food. Of course you didn't want to eat any of it and instead ate a variety of things you pulled out of the refrigerator yourself. You're such a picky eater. I've never seen a kid your age be like that. After dinner it was back to playing with the toys, and messing around with the dogs. You'd throw the dog toy down the hall and laugh like crazy as they scrambled to chase after it, but after a while, I think you had more fun by yourself. You'd run into the family room, turn around, and throw the toy down the hall, and then you'd take off running after it giggling the whole time, while the dogs sat there watching you. It was really funny. Christar had put in some of our family videos of me and my family from the early 1990's. We watched the tape that had our trip to Disneyland, and Sea World on there. You liked watching the Dolphins flip around, and the Whales splashing the water on all the people! I can't wait to take you to those places some day. Hopefully by then you won't be as afraid of things as you are right now, like Lagoon for example, you wouldn't even go on the train. But maybe this next year you can have fun there!

I think you were feeling a little sick over the weekend. You kept telling me your stomach was hurting but you often say that a lot because you like the taste of a new medicine I bought you for a cold you had a few weeks ago or what not, and you always want me to give it you to. You pooped a lot throughout the day, and not to be gross, but "the appearance" of it just kept getting worse and worse. It was obvious you had eaten something bad, or too much fruit or something. When I dropped you off to your mom at her house I told her about you maybe not feeling so well and to watch you closely throughout the week, because a horrible stomach flu has been going around. But apparently you've been fine throughout the week.

Love always!

-Daddy

Saturday, October 21st 2006

Dear Zachary,

Yesterday your mom dropped you off at my house and you immediately started playing. You ran right into your room and pulled out all your toys. We played with your helicopter for a while which is your favorite, and went through about every other toy you have. You seemed very excited to see me which was awesome. I love it when you look at me and just smile and get all excited and run to me when I get you on the weekends!

We went into the kitchen and we ate some nachos. You dug right in to them and were just rambling away at everything, from the cheese, to the dogs that were playing, to everyone that was over at the house. You were excited about everything. Your uncle Kyle had a bunch of his friends over and were all playing video games together down stairs. You took my hand and made me go down there with you to see what everyone was up to. We sat on the couch and watched everyone as they played their games and had fun. Kyle’s girlfriend, Sarah, had bought some chips and gummy bears earlier and made quick friends with you by giving you some. You loved them. You were very shy at first but when you realized that she was the giver of candy, you were then and from now on, her best friend. Well, as long as she has candy. You would sit on my lap and kind of look at me then smile, and then look over at the bag of gummy bears. You’d wait for me to say “Ok, go have some” and then you’d get up and slowly walk over to them and grab a few, being very careful to make sure you were still ok to have some. You’d stuff them all in your mouth, and then run back over to me and get on my lap and wait till you’d swallowed them all.

Later on in the night, you and I were playing up stairs and you were a little hyper. We were playing with the dogs, making them chase their toys down the hall and bring them back. You were running around screaming, and having a good time and a lot of fun. You ran between the couch and the night stand but slipped and smacked your head on the window sill causing your left eye to swell up and turn all kinds of fancy colors. You screamed for a while but mainly because Grandma and I were to trying to stick a little bit of ice on it so it wouldn’t swell up and hurt you worse. You didn’t like that at all! You kicked and screamed, and through your arms everywhere! The neighbors probably thought you were dying. After about five minutes of us trying to get the ice on there, we gave up. You wouldn’t let us get near you with anything. We let you down and you stood there for a while letting all the tears run down your cute little cheeks, and stared at me as if to say “Why Daddy? Why would you do that?” Every time Grandma or I got close to you, you’d scream and run around to the other side of the table. Your eye had swollen up a little bit and had turned bright purple on your eyelid. Making it look like you were wearing make-up when you blinked. You didn’t seem to mind though. You finally calmed down and we all went downstairs again. You of course got some more goodies from all your new friends and then went in with Sarah and played a few games of pool. Since you could barely walk you’ve been obsessed with the pool table and have tried to play like everyone else, and now you can play pretty well! You can hold the stick right, line it up, and give a good powerful jerk to hit the balls. You’re not the best of aim yet, but you’re getting there! You can hit a lot of the balls all the way to the other side of the table now. You get all excited when you get them in the hole too which is very cute. But for some reason you don’t like them being there for very long, and you pull them out and roll them back onto the table. You played a few games with Sarah and really gave her a show of your skills. I sat and watched from the chair by all the weight lifting gear just loving every minute of it. It’s amazing to see how much you’ve grown, and how you’ve matured and gained so much knowledge of things. It’s amazing and every time I see you I am just blown away at all the new things you’ve learned and can now do.

When it came time to go to sleep, I put you in your pajamas and set you on your bed. You of course said you wanted to watch Toy Story, so I put in it, and before I could push play I looked at you, and you were already rolled to your side and well asleep!

* * * * *

We both slept in today pretty well. I think it was about ten when we got up and met each other by the bathroom. You went, and then I went, and then we got you dressed and ready for the day. We both took Riley outside and let him go while we were both still waking up. We went and met up with Christar and she was just waking up as well and getting ready. She was going with her family to Lagoon for their yearly family trip there. You thought you were going so you kept talking about going to Lagoon, but kid, you’re terrified of Lagoon. I already tried that and you screamed your brains out on the train! And you love trains. We hung out with Christar for a while but they had to leave to get on their way, so you and I packed up with Riley and went to my house to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa. When we got there Grandpa was out in the backyard digging some trenches to lay some pipe down for the pond and river. You immediately ran out there, grabbed your tools and started helping in whatever way you could. Grandma was out helping your uncle Brad find something for his girlfriend, Shelley’s, birthday and didn’t get home till later. You helped grandpa dig some holes and move some dirt around. You even helped bury everything back up when it was ready. You played in your sandbox area for a while, basically covering yourself with dirt. You showed me how dirty you were and were all excited.

We went back in the house and ate some more Nachos, chocolate milk, and grapes. What a great meal eh? But you liked it, and so did I. Sometimes it’s just nice to scramble things up and do whatever. Although, you did take a spoon full of nacho cheese and flipped it in the air and it landed right in your hair and ran around the house with cheese dripping off your face trying to make me chase you. Later on we helped Grandma and Grandpa more in the backyard by covering up the firewood with a tarp and put rocks on it to make it stay there in the wind. You even helped throw some rocks on and made sure it was on tight.

Later on you started riding your bike in circles around the fire place we have in the backyard. I ran inside to get us some drinks and heard you start screaming when I was inside. I ran out and you had fallen off your bike and smacked your face on the bricks next to the fireplace, scratching up the left side of your face even more. So now you have a good size scratch on your cheek, along with the purple and black eye you got from the night before! It looks really great! We cleaned you up fast and you settled down and ran back outside again and rode your bike some more. Your uncle Kyle came home from work and we both went downstairs with him and watched him play his new video game for a while until dinner.

I was sitting downstairs with your uncle Kyle and I heard you from the top of the stairs yell down to me, “Daddy! Come here now! Come eat!” You had said it so clear and with such authority, I had to obey! I ran upstairs and we all sat down and had some dinner. We had French dip sandwiches, which you wouldn’t touch of course, you being the most pickiest eater ever, so instead you had a toasted peanut butter and strawberry jam sandwich, with grapes, chocolate milk, and cereal. After we ate, you went up to Grandma and told her that you wanted a hair cut, so we sat you down and she cut your hair. It was the first time that you’d sat there on your own and let her cut your hair. You were such a good boy, well, most of the time. You got afraid a few times and pushed her away but eventually let her finish. You needed a haircut bad and now you look so handsome and neatly groomed! Right after you were done with that, you told me you wanted to take a bath with the fish, so we did just that. I gave you a bath and got you all cleaned up. You wouldn’t believe how dirty you were, and how much food you had in your hair! Riley happened to pass by the door and you screamed at him to get in and take a bath with you, so I put him in there and we gave him a bath as well. You were laughing the whole time and just loved it that he was all wet and getting shampooed up just like you. But hey, it was only fair that Keisha had a bath as well right? You told Grandma to throw Keisha in there as well, so when we were done with you and Riley, Grandma gave Keisha a bath and got her all cleaned up! We had a houseful of people that were all clean! I put you in a pair of long john pajamas (whatever their called.. “onesies” or something) that had little dogs and bones all over it. You and Riley ran around the house laughing and barking, and rolled around all over the floor together. There’s just something about a bath that gets you both excited. But apparently you got to excited and worn out because you fell asleep on the floor very shortly after. I carried you to bed and told you goodnight and how much I loved you. I hope you’re having sweet and amazing dreams right now as I’m typing this and you’re sleeping next to me. You’re such an amazing little boy with such a huge heart. It just doesn’t make sense to me as to why I would get the honor of having such a great boy to be my son!

Love always,
Daddy

Sunday, October 15, 2006

Dear Zachary,

You put yourself to sleep last night, which was really cute. You were very tired. You fell asleep on the couch and hardly moved an inch. I carried you to your bed and put you into your pajamas and said goodnight. I stayed awake for a few more hours often checking up on you. You’ve been coughing all weekend and have had a bad runny nose. You’ve been sick with a little cold and have been a little grumpier because of it. Which is ok. Being sick isn’t that much fun and often times you just don’t want to do anything but whine about it.

I heard you at about 6 in the morning. You were all teary eyed and were holding your blanket and looked like you just saw a ghost. I ran over to you and asked you what was wrong. You looked at me with your big eyes and told me that you saw scary spiders. I checked around your bed, and then realized that you had a nightmare about spiders, which I can understand because they are scary and I have nightmares about them all the time. I picked you up and gave you a big hug and you held onto me like it was the end of the world. We talked for a while and you seemed to calm down, and so I took you to your bed again and layed you down. I asked you if you wanted to go to sleep and you said yes. I gave you your blanket again and you rolled over and went to sleep.

All day Saturday we hung out with your Grandma and Grandpa at their house. We were supposed to walk around downtown with your uncle Ben and his new girlfriend Rachael but we didn’t get around to it. So we sat around and ate some breakfast sandwiches and played with Riley and Keisha for a while. Not to long Grandma and Grandpa came home from shopping. They were going to do some work in the yard and winterize the house and install some heat trace along the roof. So we all went outside and started working. You followed Grandma around with your little plastic red shovel I gave you for your birthday, and a bucket, and helped pull up some weeds and turned over some of the dirt. Of course you made a lot of quick breaks to the sandbox and rode your bike around the backyard path, but most of the time you were trying to help any which way you could. I helped Grandpa on the roof install the new heat trace which will melt the snow and ice on the roof when it comes, so it doesn’t get backed up and ruin the roofing. As I was up there working, you would yell up at me “Daddy! Daddy!” until I responded to you! Then you would say, “Look!” and throw your airplane up in the air, and giggle your head off. It was really cute and you seemed pretty excited about me being on the roof and up so high. Good thing you don’t really understand what happens when you fall down a long ways.

A house a few blocks down to the south of Grandma’s house caught on fire, and we could see the black smoke and smell the burning of it. You looked at me and I asked you if it stunk, and you said “uh huh! Stinks!” Nodding your head away the whole time. You made sure I was aware of every single siren that started heading towards the burning house. From the firemen and the fire truck to the fast cars that were going “way over there” to the house on fire. You’d get all excited and freeze in whatever position you were in for a few seconds, then scream at me “Daddy, daddy! Hear it!! Hear it!!”

Later on you kept trying to climb the ladder where Grandpa and I were working, which was cute but scary. You would get mad when I’d pull you down or we’d tell you to get off. You must have felt like we didn’t want you there, or that you were in the way, which wasn’t the case. We just don’t want you to get hurt. You would help us by handing us tools and such even if we didn’t need it. You are always a good little helper and always want to be there right in the action. Sometimes it’s scary though. Grandpa and I also had to change out a power outlet and I guess you were watching the whole time. When we were done and were cleaning up, you tried to “work” on the same outlet, screwdriver in hand. I made you about poop your pants by yelling at you to get away from it. You looked at me and slowly went into cry mode. You walked up to me with your eyes shooting tears out everywhere and your arms open up wide. I told you it was ok and that I wasn’t mad at you and that I didn’t mean to scare you. You calmed down and quickly went on to something else. You helped us pick up the rest of our garbage and tools and put them all away. My cousins Jess and Eric were at the house helping fix the roof and gutter so that the water and snow would go down the drains right and not get backed up or freeze up in the winter. You had fun running around with Jess’s wife, Pam, and playing hide-and-go seek with her. She is carrying a little baby in her stomach right now and it’s due to be born in December near Christmas time. That will be nice because also in the same time is another baby that’s due to be born by my other cousin, Brittany. That means you’ll have two more kids you can play with at the family parties and such we always have!

While playing outside in the front yard where everyone else was, you noticed that Grandpa had started getting out his lawn mower. That set you off to a sprint to the backyard. I ran behind you to see what you were doing, scared of leaving you alone, especially in the back yard with all the rocks. You ran and grabbed your bubble lawn mower and quickly started running back to the front with it. You made a mad dash over to where Grandpa was and waited for him to get ready, and once he started the lawn mower up, you followed him wherever he went no more than 3 feet behind him. Every turn that Grandpa made, you made as well. Every blade of grass he went over, you tried your best to run over as well. But apparently once you got the hang of the path and such, Grandpa wasn’t moving fast enough and you passed him up and continued on at your own speed. I think you even caught up to him again but moved on even still. Of course, your Grandma and I thought this was the cutest thing ever, so we quickly grabbed our cameras and were following you around trying to take the best possible shot. It was really cute because sometimes you’d walk right next to Grandpa, and those were the shots we were trying to take.

Later on that night, Ben and Rachael came back home, Brad and Shelley came over, and Kyle and his girlfriend Sara were there, and we all made tin foil dinners. They are Gods greatest gifts to food and I’m sure by the time you are reading this, you know what they are and love them! Again as always you were so excited about helping and just being a part of what was going on. You sat on the bar stool and watched carefully as we prepared all the food and wrapped it all up in the tin foil. You got really excited and ran nearly out of breath when I asked you to go help me start the fire in the fireplace outside. You helped me throw wood in there and watched it light up and start burning. We got all our food ready and cooked it all and sat down to start eating. You didn’t seem to thrilled to eat the potatoes, hamburger meat, carrots etc that were all part of each tin foil dinner. But Grandma helped you find some food that you would eat and you sat at the bar stool kicking your feet the whole time we were sitting down to dinner.

As we all ate and cleaned up, we sat down and started a game of scrabble. Of course you wanted to play, so you sat next to me on the ground and tried to put the letters on the scrabble board. You were so focused on it and so serious, it was cute.

Brad and Shelley bought a little ginger bread house thing that came with frosting, candy, and all the things you’d need to make a Halloween themed ginger bread house! You got all excited about it and wanted to put it together the second you saw it. You had everyone pass you from person to person so you could get the best angles to put the candy decorations on the house. You loved it and were giggling the whole time. Once it was done, you just stood there and stared at it, then looked at me as if to say “Daddy! There’s candy on there, can I have some?” We all ate a little bit of the candy ginger bread house but left most of it still in tact and continued on back to some scrabble. Grandma got out a duck puzzle and you played with that for at least an hour. You’d put it together, then tip it over and start putting it together again, getting just as excited each time you finished it as the first time! Each time you’d yell out to me and have me come and look! You’re such a smart boy and encourage me to find the fun and excitement again that is a part of every little thing in life.

Love always,

Daddy!

Friday, October 14th 2006

Dear Zachary,

Today being Friday means that it’s the beginning of the weekend, which means you get to spend a few days with me. I love Fridays, not only because it’s the end of the week and there’s no more work for a few days, but because I get to pick you up and spend some time with you!

Your uncle Ben came to town with his new girlfriend Rachel and I was excited to meet her and spend time with my brother again since I never see him anymore. Your mom was kind enough to drop you off at my house around 7:30 or so. You had apparently just woken up and were still kind of groggy. She set you down and you immediately walked into your room and started playing with your toys. Your mom was holding a big dinosaur toy and was trying to get you to show me how it worked but you didn’t seem to interested. We set your dinosaur down in the room and your mom showed me what it did, which was pretty neat. You didn’t seem to care though and continued on with your box full of toys. Of course you dug for the helicopter and airplane set you have and carry with you everywhere. The ones where you pull the string and they take off flying. You love those so much, which is awesome because I had the same toys when I was a kid. Your mom left and I took you into the family room where everyone was watching family videos from 1990 or so. You hid against the wall and slowly peeked over a bit to see everyone in the room. For a while you just stood by me and didn’t say or do much. You were shy around Ben and his new girlfriend but after a few minutes you started warming up to everyone and acted normal. We tried to get you to eat some food and you ate some canned peaches and a little bit of rice we had for dinner earlier. You of course wanted some candy that you could see sitting on the counter. I let you have a few pieces of starburst.

You played with Keisha and Riley for a while and had a blast. You always love chasing those dogs around and getting them all wound up. I kept asking you if you needed to goto the bathroom which of course you kept saying no, but later on you came up to me and said you had “pee’d self”. And yes, you had. I changed you and got you into some pajamas and had you go brush your teeth. You kept carrying out this flashlight pen that Grandma Lori always gives you which you love. We ran downstairs and jumped around on the bean bag chair for a while, but then you wanted to go and lay down with your blanket. You asked me to put in the movie “Toy Story” which I did as you were laying down and getting yourself comfortable. And by the time I had pushed play, you had rolled over and fallen asleep. You must have been really tired. I took off your jacket you were wearing and carried you to your bed and gave you your blanket, making sure the heater was on you and set to keep you warm through the cold night. I then put myself to sleep.. after writing this of course! Goodnight buddy, Hopefully you have amazing dreams about the most wonderful things in the world. I love you!

-Daddy

Thursday, October 12th 2006

Dear Zachary

While I was at the Micron jobsite yesterday, your Mom called me to talk about your babysitters and daycare. We’ve had you stay with a lady named Danielle and I’ve only met her once and that was enough for me to not like her, and want to get you with someone else. She was dirty and scroungy looking and her house was filthy and it just seemed that she really didn’t seem to care about watching you. I picked you up about 1 pm and she said she hadn’t changed you since the morning. She had the TV on some adult talk show and some rap music blasting away. Definitely not a child friendly place, I was not impressed at all. In fact I feel bad for leaving you there all the time while your mom and I go to work.

From what your mom was saying she wasn’t happy at all with Danielle either. I don’t think she told me exactly why but it just sounded like she's had enough of her, and her $700+/month daycare bill. She mentioned she wanted to find a new daycare place for you and so she had taken a tour of a place called “Kids of Camelot” I think. A neat little daycare center out in West Valley near where your mom and I grew up. The price was about the same as the Danielle lady (I think a little cheaper), except this is an actual daycare center and a school. So maybe we’ll try that place and let you go there when we’re both at work.

Work stinks! But, it’s something we have to do. We have to get money so we can buy you lots of neat things and keep you smiling away, which in turn makes us happy! Of course, I wish that I could just stay home and spend the whole day with you and go crazy with all your toys and play games till we couldn’t move. But it can’t be that way, at least for now anyways. Maybe I’ll find a way one day to make a ton of money so I can buy you everything you’d ever need so I could stay with you all day long and play! That would be so awesome!

Last night you called my cell phone and left me a voice mail. I didn’t hear my phone ring or else I would have picked it up and talked to you. I love it when you call me! You’re always so cute and talk away like crazy about all the neat things you did during the day! I love it! You’re doing so well on learning new words and fitting them together! Usually on the weekends when I pick you up, it takes me a while to learn all the new words you picked up throughout the previous week! It’s so amazing to watch you grow and learn! You’re becoming such a big boy it’s scary! You used to be so little and would lie on my chest and sleep for hours and hours. Now if you were to lie on my chest I’d probably pass out. Ha ha! You’re getting so big and looking so handsome!

On the voicemail you left me, you talked quietly and didn’t say too much. I could hear your mom in the background telling you to say “Daddy, call me back” but I don’t think you were to motivated to say it. I don’t think you understand the voicemail concept yet, but all those messages you leave for me I hear and replay over and over and save them on my cell phone for as long as the service will let me! I’ll have to find a way to record them and stick them on a CD for you to hear later. You sound so cute when you talk!! You call me at work all the time, almost daily, and I couldn’t tell you how much it means to me, and how wonderful you make my day go after that! Even at the most stressful times, it’s nice to hear that your dogs took a poop outside, and that Riley puked on the floor. And that you played with your Spider Man and watched endless hours of Harry Potter and Toy Story! You help me remember what’s important in this life, and what my focus should be on. You help me remember how to have fun, and to forget about the small stuff and not be such an “adult” all the time.

Love always,

Daddy

Wednesday October 11th, 2006

Dear Zachary

I missed you a lot to day. I miss you everyday and think about you all the time but today I really missed you. At work I was going to call your mom to ask her how you were doing but remembered she is working again so I’d have to wait. So I went on with my day, wondering about how you were, and what you were doing at the babysitters at those moments. For work, I had to drive down to a place called Micron, which is a huge building in Lehi Utah where they make computer chips and high technical things like that. Our company is working on a project there and they needed some of their computer and network systems serviced and such, and I was sent down there to do those things. On the way down, I was listening to my iPod and was playing a group called the Transiberian Orchestra, which is a group that released some CD’s of Christmas music with a rock and roll edge to it. Really good stuff, especially for the holiday seasons but since it’s not even Halloween yet the tunes really didn’t fit the mood of the season. But, some of the songs came on as my iPod was in shuffle mode. But, listening to those songs really made me think about you. I kept playing over and over a bunch of memories and pictures I have of you around Christmas time, and birthdays and such where you are opening gifts and you are just so happy! It’s the greatest thing ever to see you smile, and there are so many things I’ll remember for the rest of my life because of it. I kept replaying those things over and over in my mind, like a slow motion slideshow that fit wonderfully with the Christmas music. It just made me so happy and made my day so much better and more relaxed and controlled because of it. Images of you running around, and playing in the snow and riding on the sleds down hills ran through my thoughts the rest of the day. Memories of you opening presents and watching your mouth and eyes goes as wide as they could possibly go at the site of your new presents and toys. The times you’d run up to me and make me follow you into the family room so we could sit and stare at the beautiful Christmas tree together, where you’d show me each individual ornament that was on the tree, and every single present that was under it. And how you’d make me hit the button on the dancing Santa Clause (“ho-ho” as you call him) so we could watch him shake his hips back and forth to some Christmas tunes. You’d make me hit that button a million times and it got so annoying, but I miss it so much. I can’t wait till Christmas season to do all those things again and try to make the holiday even more magical for you.

Like I mentioned before, it’s not even Halloween yet and I’m already having Christmas thoughts and flash backs from our few holidays we’ve had together. Your daddy is weird, yet incredibly good looking though right? I’m sure you’ll realize that very quickly and will probably tell all your friends about it later on as you grow up (the weird part.. you better not going running around telling your friends that I'm good looking), and maybe even be embarrassed by my presence in your life. But, I’m proud of my weirdness, creates character. Ha ha. But some things in your life, you won’t even remember or will think of as nothing important such as a smile or a simple hug, but those things will last a life time for me and I just wanted to tell you how much they do mean to me, and how much I do love every single smile you give me, every hug, every laugh, and although it’s hard to say, every single time you give me a bad time. In a way, you’re teaching me to teach you! Crazy how that works huh? I love you dude! You’re my most favorite present each year, and every day with you is like a holiday for me!!

Love always,

Your weird Daddy

Tuesday, October 10th 2006

Tuesday, October 10th 2006
Dear Zachary,

Hey son! I know you don't have a clue about what the internet is yet but someday I'm sure you'll know all about it and since the technology will be so advanced and well beyond my time when you get older, you'll think of the internet the same way as I do an 8-track player, or an Atari game system. What are those you ask? Never mind. It's ancient for you, but was a god-sent blessing in my time!

So what is this then? Well, hopefully it's a way for me to write to you from now, to whenever it is that you are reading this, if ever. Ever since the day you were born I told myself I wanted to keep tons of pictures of you so you could always have them growing up and have them to look upon later in your life. Lots of kids don't get that opportunity and I didn't want you to be left out on that. I also wanted to keep a written journal of everything you did, from your progress as a young infant learning how to crawl, eat, walk, and talk, to you growing up and going to school and learning how to drive a car and so on. Then at the appropriate time hand you a stack of journals for you to keep and look back at and understand your life as a child that you'll probably forget about, as I did my own.

But sadly, I've basically failed at that already. I've kept little things here and there but overall haven't done what I've wanted to do. I've disappointed you and myself already, and you don't even know it. But back to the question about what this is. Hopefully, I keep this up and do it well, but basically I'm going to keep a written (or typed I guess) journal of our experiences and stories etc, post them on this old fashioned thing called a "web site", and also keep a printed off version for you. And later on in your life, I can hopefully give you a book or a few books, of all the things I've written, along with the thousands of pictures I've taken of you, and will take in the future. Hopefully and if all goes well, you'll appreciate it and be happy about it.

So really, how it will all work, is when I'm thinking about you, or when you're with me on the weekends or any day for that matter, I'll do my best to document in detail what we did, and how you are acting at that time in your life. Maybe sometimes I'll write that I'm just thinking of you and wishing you the best when you're staying with your mom, where as other times I hope to go on in great detail about everything from the days events to my deepest feelings and thoughts about you and life in general. Maybe even some fatherly advise if you want to call it that.

Here's to the start of something wonderful. Hopefully. As long as I'm not a moron and mess it up after a while.. ha ha.

Love always,

Daddy.